community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
