youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
