Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
