just tell him i said nine months
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
