My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
