he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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