just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
