It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
