and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
my liver is dry heaving
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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