she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
