youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
