hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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