Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize