Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize