my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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