Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
