The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
