Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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