You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
