Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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