gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All the doctor said was why
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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