last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize