I CAN MOONWALK!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
