i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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