don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
