Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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