He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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