All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
