I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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