You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
