there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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