Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
