I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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