They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
