I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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