You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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