Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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