I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize