I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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