Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize