I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
