after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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