I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
