My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
