I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize