she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
well, you know. whores of a feather.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
