So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
