It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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