Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
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