good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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