shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
