was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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