so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
