don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
