Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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