No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
