I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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