Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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