Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
