the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
