he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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