Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
