Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I deserve this hangover.
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