Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
