A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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