I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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