I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's never too late to be topless.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
