Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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