So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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