I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Semen is not good for contacts.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize