i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
