boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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