So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
