no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize