I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
