I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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