i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
