Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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