I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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