If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
