Only a mothe r could love this liver
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
