Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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